THE ULTIMATE DRIVING MACHINE
......A destiny Since before the day I was born into an aspirational middle-class, ethnic-minority household in london 1982. It was written in the stars that I would and should own a premium brand German motor vehicle. as my life meandered its merry but charted course the stars did align, and almost every cell in my body could not continue to function unless it had been aligned with the most noble of notions: the BMW brand ideology. As a child I was truly inspired by the command German cars had of the fast lane on the motorway, flashing down lesser vehicles with disdain, I too wanted to lord it over the peasants and show immodestly that I had 'made it' and i was somebody, somebody dynamic, somebody premium, somebody with M POWER! |
So as the years passed and I paid due diligence to my studies, attended family functions and secretly gushed over copies of 'EVO' magazine - (and other less prestigious publications), I was frugal and 'savvy' with my money, opting to use my ISA allowance, o2 241 cinema vouchers and nothing but the highest rate high street savings accounts to nurture my credit rating. All in order to 'achieve' my defining possession. Dynamic in true BMW fashion I managed to leverage a 0% loan from an internet start up who also consolidated some previous under performing investments of mine and threw in some sweeteners to the deal, also convienently giving me a great Part Exchange. Obviously seeing the potential in me as a client, and more than willing to assist a future BMW owner to be. I almost felt part of the club already... and i liked it!
Now I had my finances in place I could scour the options lists, to find my ideal specification contoured to my individual profile, a combination of suave, sleek, sophisticated and understated: Grey with black interior. Correction: Blue Water with Black Dakota, not bland by any means, a true aficionado / bummer would see the subtlety of my choice, I could only dream of being part of the 'individual' club...
Do not be fooled by my interest in the shallow aesthetics of such an ultimate machine, I was well aware of the technical specification that I required, demanded even for my transport solution. LSD ratios, M-Sport upgrades, Wheel types options and sports packages were firmly on my agenda I wasn't to be mugged off by some undesirable back street garage either, I was armed, prepared and well versed in BMW forum concerns, and practiced in the arts of lieutenant Colombo. I Would get to the bottom of the case of my BMW. |
Basicly Alex gave me this E34 TDS and some M3 replica wheels for my half of a metalic purple Camaro
Not to be deterred yes it wasn't my preferred option spec, and I wasn't quite in a position to say no to BMW approved, but iv worked hard for my money and the right deal on the day was not to be sniffed at, I would like to refer to the decision as 'efficient dynamics'. Whats more there was a heaps of evidence to crack the case, surely any BMW owners dream! I Had made it!
Colombo mac On and down to the nitty-gritty lets crack the case and see what we have here. A BMW 5 series E34 shape with Inline 6 TURBO Power! note 'S' in TDS is for SPORT thats right bitches this is a GENUINE SPORT model.
The sport doesn't stop there, in a lustrous Hellrot Red and black exterior trims this E34 carves a handsome profile, you will see me coming on the motorway! Now the fear of owning a 'dog' sends a chill through my spine, how could such an informed and enlightened consumer like my self fall foul to the motor trades dirty underbelly? not very BMW like that at all. Rest assured I didn't, I will go through with a fine tooth comb the evidence and tie up any loose ends here. First things first, the paper work, unusually (for such a meticulous and organised bunch of car owners) the previous owner didn't have any paperwork, no matter he gave a very convincing and plausible story why surly no one has the bare faced cheek to hide such fundamental details as the registration which i could check with a simple text message. The mileage at only 234000 miles this car had barely been used, it was a genuine barn find on my part and surely undervalued (so i kept quiet about that during the negotiations) HOWEVER THE SERVICE BARS WERE ON RED, ALERT ALERT whats going on here surely this must be a mistake, who wouldn't service their BMW? It was the previous owner assured me it had been serviced just not reset as it was done by a well know independent BMW specialist garage. I still banked this a grade A haggling point. |